Friday, February 9, 2007

Software Engineer's Life

It was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of the nature.
Through the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am a software engineer. . I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it.
I always wanted to be software professional and here I am, working for one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.My childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories told by her.
Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house, not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.
I threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face. The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.The scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought with my best friend came to my mind. Today, she has gone far away from me, taking away my love and with it my life, but I am sitting and coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people, but then I long ceased to make a new friend.It's true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed,but no time to sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest designer clothes, but a worn out body. Quite a few to flirt, but no one to love. Awards for technical excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambiance. A confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain, but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.
Now, I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a longtime back. I have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small kid now. I removed my tie, and went near my computer to shut it down.

Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying that there was a critical defect in the code and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked in with the perfect tie knot, sat before the computer, and started typing........

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi

I did some random search of software professional and found your blog...

I am found of reading blogs.. even though I have not read many...

While going thru ur blog.. it was like this is ME and writing my own experiences../.

well I am also a s/w developer working in a ok-ok company....

I guess most of the s/w engineers have the same story...

lots of money.. but no time to spent..

I am married and my wife always complains of time, that I cant give her ....

Infact she is into testing, however she come as soon as the day id over...

I have to stay back to "show my face" to my PM.. If someday I go by 7 (OFFICIAL day off time)... the next day there will be a mail in my Inbox .. saying

"waht happened u left at 7:10, i tried to locate you .. you were not there .... Is everything UNDER CONTRL"

.....

I spoke to 1 my frd .. who is working in b'lore .. and told him my story ( and my PM) .. He said that u have long hours.. from 9 30 till 7 ,,, and the weeks are 5.5 .. with saturday are so called "half days" . going at 3 30 ....

I was just wordering... if all the companies have the same work culture ....

Y are we earning.... I can take break fast properly ... I can to GYM .. I can see my tummy popping out ...

Ok... Some of its my own problems I cant manage things ...

but if I go by 8 .. 8 30 .. then when will I live ..... ???

I have left with no hobbies ... no music...
I am v good system at my home... unlimited internet ... but no time to check my mails even ....(we dont have access to gmail, yahoo in my company) ...

I can write tons n tons of some lines ...

I am in the impression that CMM 5 companies dont have such work pressure and long hours ....

I am planing to make a job change with some big name like Infosys, Wipro, TCS.. HCL etc ...

I and my wife together wil earn atleast 40-50 K per month ...
I guess this is enough .,.. for us ...

well its really enough ... :)

chal see you ....

FYI: this is my first blog entry